When I attended the orientation for my study abroad I remember being drilled about mental health concerns.  In that time I remember thinking how could someone be sad/upset/depressed/anxious when they are having the time of their life in a foreign country?! Well, I hate to break it to you, but it happens.

So, take a ride with me along my study abroad roller coaster as I share the up’s and down’s I faced in my time abroad.

The wait.

Here you are, looking up at this big attraction right in front of you, debating if you want to ride it (or spend a summer studying in a foreign country).  You look at all of the ups, downs, and high speed corners and begin to question this insanity.  But you’re sold when you see the joy people are having as they ride the ride.  You begin to imagine all of the fun you’d have once you decide to strap yourself into that seat.  When you finally decide to go you make it official and step in line.

Time spent in the line waiting is a complex mix of emotions.  Initially you are excited like WOAH this is really happening!  But eventually this excitement wears off and you kind of forget about what you are about to do because the wait is so long – this isn’t some county fair ride, this is a top attraction in Disney’s Magic Kingdom.  So as your standing there (for hours, days, weeks…) the upcoming commitment you’ve made seems a bit unreal, like it’s never going to actually happen.  Until before you know it your at the front of the line, looking at the car your about to strap yourself into thinking; “OMG! – this is actually happening!”  And then you (figuratively) poop your pants a little.  I reached this point about a week before I left.  When I finally comprehended that this was actually happening I turned into a nervous wreck.  I think I would describe myself as a big ball of emotions, one minute super excited, the next not wanting to go at all, and the entire time just so anxious.  I remember feeling so unlike myself that day I left.  In fact I didn’t even want to go, like at all.  An adventure I’d spent the last half a year excitedly planning and waiting for – how could I not want to go!?  After talking to some friends who have also studied abroad I think it is pretty common to feel this way prior to leaving, but once your strapped in that car there is no turning back – your on a ride of a lifetime – and you won’t regret a single thing.

The first climb.

Here you go: up, up, up – click, click, click.  Adrenaline is pumping through your veins and your anxiety is through the roof.  This occurred to me as soon as I boarded my 7 hour flight to Amsterdam.  The traveling part was the worst.  One second you want to turn around the next you’re just trying to imagine what you are going to experience once you arrive.  Couldn’t we just be there already?!  Anticipation keeps building up inside of you until…

The initial fall.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee! You touch down in your new home and take in all of the views.  This feeling (in my opinion the best part of the roller coaster ride) lasts for a weeks.  Everything you do in your new home is an adventure.  Everyday brings something new and exciting and you just never want to leave.  This first fall is truly the most magical, but believe it or not you do reach the bottom at some point.

The up’s and the down’s.

From here, for me atleast, there were so many up’s and down’s.  At this point in the trip it no longer feels like a vacation, but more like a new reality.  You realize that you have responsibilities – and let me tell you responsibilities in a foreign country are not like responsibilities in your home country.  You need groceries?  Better learn how to shop at an Italian grocery store.  Time to take the garbage out?  Not even close to what you are used to in the states.  Clothes need to be washed?  Just start pushing buttons until the washer starts to go and hope for the best!  After the initial excitement wears off you begin to comprehend how long of a ride you’ve strapped yourself in for.  But adapting to this new culture just adds to the adventure – and that was my favorite part of being in Europe!

The biggest downer for me was checking in with my friends back home.  FOMO is a thing and even when your 4,000 miles away having the time of your life you do find yourself in a sour mood when you miss out on something fun back home.  Social media makes it easy for you to keep up to date with all of your friends (mostly only showing you all of the fun they are having without you!) which definitely made me sad at times.  Or missing out on big things like your grandmas birthday or your cousins first baseball game.  It’s kind of funny, I would actually start to feel bad about feeling bad because nobody should be feeling bad when they are LIVING IN ITALY – first world problems I guess.  But no matter how hard I tried to fight those bad days I just couldn’t shake it.  But I’ve come to realize that it’s normal, and it’s okay.

I’m living proof that it’s not all sunshine and gelato when your in a foreign country.  The bad days were the days they warned us about.  Those were the days you realize you have nothing left in your bank account, you have a midterm due tomorrow, your roommate is driving you loco, AND you’ve just checked all your friends snapchat stories from the Fourth of July.  Those days/moments suck, but then you wake up the next day, head to the bar for an early cup of cappuccino, and take a moment to soak in your surroundings.  Stopping to remind yourself where you are and what your doing will humble you very quickly, and your sorrows will soon be overcome with gratitude.  It’s like you’ve reached the top of another tall peak and you understand, in this moment, that this experience is worth all of the bad days.  And at the end of your trip the highs are what you remember and they are what make the experience so enjoyable – so try not to let yourself dwell on the bad days.

They say at some point these feelings level out.  You apparently adapt to a new reality and the new normal.  I don’t think I was in Florence long enough to really feel that new normal.  Most of my time there was a lot of up’s and down’s, but I can say that I did start to feel more familiar, more comfortable in Florence towards the end of my stay there.  In fact, on our weekend trips, I found myself often homesick.  But that feeling was subsided once I had returned to my apartment in Florence.  Even in my short time there it had become a home to me.

Departure.

This is the last stage of the journey, when you unstrap yourself from that crazy ride.  For me initially I was SO excited to get home and see my family again.  But after I was home for a day or two and the excitement wore off I began to really miss Florence.  More than I ever thought I would when I was actually living in Florence.  I find myself often thinking about my time there and how I can ever get myself back to Florence.  I don’t think a month long summer term was long enough for me.  My time abroad made my travel fever more intense than ever before, and I can wait to strap myself into that roller coaster ride once again.